Monday, 29 February 2016

What did you do with your extra day?

I am jumping, with both feet into the deep end and hoping to God that I'm going to stick to it this time!

What the hell am I talking about? LCHF. 

Yes, it's time to be accountable and not hide in private blogs and share my journey - hopefully this will amount to a success story, but let's just take it day by day mmkay?

I've been on and off this diet for months now, it's crazy, but I kind of feel an affinity with this way of eating because I was on it for a solid 6 weeks and felt amazing. My scaly feet were gone (smooooooothhhh like a wee bairns bum I tell ya!), my skin was amazing and although I didn't lose loads like some of the luckier people did (amagad I lost 8kgs in two days*just shattap ok*) - I felt lighter and not bloated like I usually do and just the fact that I had no appetite at all and could go on and on for hours at work without starving, that was a major win for me! I was so good, that my manager was starting to get a bit worried about my hunger strikes and kept insisting I go off for lunch!!! Hahahaha!

Must be so weird to see someone who constantly eats at her desk to not eating at all :P

So why did I stop then? (Shit happens... literally)

After a couple of really crappy days adjusting to the diet, and then feeling fine, and then getting bouts of diarrhea, I started getting it like full on - bursting to go to the loo and exploding when I get there and really terrible cramps - I thought holy hell, am I dying??? I couldn't find any answers on any of the forums, and that nobody really experienced what I went through in fact, some even complained about constipation rather than what I was having! I would've taken constipation over loose stools, at least there's a pill for that! 

Anyway, I went off it thinking that I had norovirus (the symptoms were exactly the same!) and then I just struggled and couldn't get myself back on the wagon again. I kept trying, and falling, and trying and then I was doing recipe research for my business (any day now! :D) and figured I couldn't possibly diet while doing all that so I might as well eat anything - but that has GOT to end NOW. 

I am unhappy, I'm lethargic, I feel gross and that's not helping anybody. I fear for my life, I can FEEL myself being so unhealthy that I feel scared that I'm gonna kick off at anytime. I have headaches, aches and pains, and my tummy is so big these days that it hurts to bend over and put my shoes on. I just feel so HEAVY that I'd rather not move, it's bad guys. I need help :(

It kinda sucks because I feel like I got here by doing fad diets. I was fine until I started diets. I've always been big and I've never felt the need to be a certain size to be happy - I WAS HAPPY JUST THE WAY I WAS. I feel a bit ill reading some stories about how people loathe their bodies and couldn't wear certain clothes because they were not confident enough. I wore a bikini in OZ and on my honeymoon in public - I couldn't care less what people make of me and my lumps BUT lately, I feel like my size is coming in the way of my activities, so I think drastic measures are necessary. 

To hell with scales (although I'm sure at some point curiosity will overwhelm me enough to jump on them), I just want to document how I feel and note down improvements here for keepsakes. My goal is to feel healthier, find a way of eating that will make me less reliant on food and more energetic to do more things that will keep me off the sofa and on my legs doing more things. I want to feel slim again,  I want to fit into a proper BRA again and feel beautiful and not disgusted like what I'm feeling right now. I want to do stuff and not have to wait at the sidelines because of my size, and I want to know that when I book to go to Disneyworld I won't have to worry about being too big to ride. Basically, I want my life back. 

Stick around, it's going to be a bumpy ride. What did you do on your extra day of the year?